Don't Quit Your Ridiculously Lucrative Day Job

I love sports, and I am always impressed by the talented people who play them. But I have a message for some of the pro athletes out there: please realize that your amazing gifts are sometimes limited to the realm of sports. You really need to stop trying to extend them into, say, the world of music. Please. Stop. Seriously.

Today I realized just how many songs I have heard in the last year or so that were written by famous athletes...and how painful it was to listen to most of them. I understand using your millions to create a state-of-the-art studio in your mansion and record stuff for fun. That's cool. What I can't understand is why you would then subject the rest of the world to your "music". Just listen to these and you'll see where I'm coming from:

Chris Webber:

Why would Kurupt ever participate in this?

Ron Artest:

His writing skills are impeccable. Ron manages to successfully rhyme "hating me" with "hating me"...for the entire chorus. But I love this "David Stern, damn David Stern/I gotta teach you 'bout the ghetto/Some things you should learn/Matt Lauer, ----- NBC/You look like a girl/Don't talk to me." QUALITY.

Barry Zito:

Barry is a talented guy. At least at one point he could be called a great pitcher, I hear he's very intelligent, he's a decent guitar player, and he's not the worst singer in the world. But please just listen to these lyrics...there's no excuse. Talking about sleeping with my mother should not be followed by "I'll respect you, oh baby."

T.O.:

If any of you still haven't heard these little gems on his website and his Myspace, well...you probably won't be too shocked. This is exactly what you would expect from Owens.

Justin Fargas:

Listen to "The Life of Young Hugg", the song in which Justin lets us in on how he went from "a pimp to a player to a baller." Fascinating stuff.


Tony Parker:

At least there's one exception to the rule. Maybe it's just because everything sounds better in French, but I actually like what I've heard from "Tony P". Here's his gangsta side (with Fabolous), and this is his sensitive side (with a French guy trying to sing in English).


See, I don't criticize everything.