The Sports Biotch is a Slacker

I feel like the world's worst blogger. Between working and trying to find an apartment (yes, the Sports Biotch is extra biotchy lately because she's been staying with her parents), I've barely had time to bathe. But tonight, I've decided to crawl in bed with my laptop and give my blog some good-good lovin'. So here's some b*tching, I know you've missed it...

First, I've got to mention how awesome the guys over at Sons of Sam Malone are for letting me do a feature called The Weekly Biotch on their blog. You guys rock. And you extra rock for selling Pacman "Make it rain" t-shirts. I wore mine today for the first time, and it gave me an immense sense of pride - well worth the investment.

Ok, now that that's taken care of...let the b*tching begin:

For me, one of the most touching moments in football is when a player goes down hard, and both teams take a knee as they wait to see if he'll be able to get back up. And when he does finally limp off the field, fans on both sides applaud respectfully, seemingly acknowledging that football is just a game that we all love and want players to live through. Yes, I love those moments, and I really do always want the kid to get back up...if we're talking about a heated battle between rival teams that has gotten a little too rough. But right now, in the famous words of A.I., we're talkin' about PRACTICE.

If you haven't heard, yesterday one USC moron hit another way harder than anyone should ever hit his own teammate. Really??? I mean, I understand that a good dose of healthy competition between teammates is key in getting everyone prepped for the season, but does this Maualuga kid, who's been playing football for lord know how long, really need to be told that when you're playing with your own teammates, broken bones aren't exactly what you should be striving for? (I'm so baffled that I'm writing run-on sentences.)

"Before practice, he was like, 'I'm going to [Randy] Moss you, Rey. I'm going to Moss you,' like catch a ball over me and like beat me downfield like in a footrace," said Maualuga in his interview with the L.A. Times .

Well that explains it. In an interview with a major newspaper, this guy says "like" at least once every few seconds - and it's not because he's using a lot of great analogies. This one is definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. He actually looks more like a spoon. A plastic one.

So why am I b*tching about Turner, too? After all, he's the one who got taken down by his own teammate. I should probably have sympathy for the guy, since he's a starting receiver who may now be watching the season opener from the sidelines.

Well, I could pick on the fact that the only response he had for the numskull who hit him was, "What the f&!*, Rey?" But that I can understand, since he had just gotten a major asswhooping and was a little too stunned to say anything else. What makes this kid a moron is that, despite being a football player, he is obviously not up-to-date on the NFL. "I'm gonna Moss you"??? Is he even aware of what that has meant for the last two years? It's meant running at half-speed on a bad hamstring and serving as a pathetic excuse for a "decoy". If that's what Turner wanted to be, then he deserved to get creamed by his own teammate.

Oh, and it's not too bad for us, either. GO BEARS.