Monday, February 23, 2009

Being a Royal Not Painful Enough, Guillen Removes Own Toenail

We've seen athletes do a lot of really stupid crap in the last year or so. From Monta Ellis's moped to Brandon Marshall's McDonald's bag to, of course, Plaxico's safety-less gun, these guys have damaged their multi-million dollar bodies in ways that are more frickin ridiculous than I could possibly dream up. But, man, at least those guys did this dumb ish on accident.

Royals outfielder José Guillen, on the other hand, is a frickin masochist. Not only does he play for KC (which is painful enough as it is) but according to the Kansas City Star, Guillen decided to remove his own ingrown toenail with a pair of tweezers when his doctor mentioned the possiblity of surgery.

"If it wasn't any better, he wanted me to have surgery. I thought, 'Whoaaa.'

"I reached in there (with the tweezers)," he said, "and poked around until I got the end of it. Then I counted one, two, three and just pulled …. Oh, my God. It came out, but tears were running down my cheeks."
Uh, WHAT!?!? Why in the hell would you do that? What about the surgery would have been any worse than pulling this thing out yourself, dude? Some local anesthetic, perhaps? Sterile tools? The years of medical experience behind the person performing the procedure?

I mean, maybe José thought that "surgery" meant removing his entire foot, but buddy, you're not in the Dominican anymore. We don't do that sort of thing here.

Let's just hope this guy never gets an eye infection.

1 comment:

B M McManus said...

Hahah maybe this is an argument for universal healthcare; even athletes can't afford to go to a doctor to have medical procedures. Seriously though. the surgery doesn't even involve removing an entire toenail. They just cut away a tiny bit of the edge of the ingrown part and then put carbolic acid on it so it doesn't grow back. Yes, it might be TMI to know that I've had this done.